Okay, so I’m not entirely certain if it’s simply my internet connection that has been horridly slow as of late, or whether it’s an issue with my computer’s memory itself. Due to that and other issues going on within my life at the moment, bear with me, and I’ll have the rest of the parts of the review posted as soon as I possibly can.
*NOTE: “…” just means he was babbling and I’m trying to make it short and sweet. But I also make sure to include any important context of his quotes. Wouldn’t want anyone thinking that I was taking anything out of context.
Because it’s taken so long to type up so many nasty things that Astin said within his book, it’s greatly reduced my patience to type up every iota of my raging. So enjoy the .gifs and hopefully, most will understand that where my perspective of this scumbag comes from and why I am so defensive of every other member of the LOTR cast and crew (but not him). There is no amount of time or patience that I could have to adequately express how much I detest this man. I’d rather just make a video and read his quotes out loud, but then there’s no fun .gifs.
Here we go. For this first part of my review, it’ll mainly be quotes of his and my .gifs. This is far more exhausting than it should be.
“There and Back Again: An Whiner’s Tale”
(p. 4)
“You see, on the set of The Lord of the Rings I think I was sometimes perceived as the Hollywood guy…Even more so than Elijah Wood, who as Frodo was ostensibly the film’s star, I got the sense that I was the American actor…I was Rudy, for God’s sake. You don’t get any more American than that. Rudy was the underdog. And I guess, in a way, so was I.”
Bitching about $ - p.41, 103-104
“I was in no mood to risk a game of poker, so I settled for it…Some jobs you take for your wallet; others you take for your soul. Rudy fell into the second category. And as Dominic Monaghan would admonish me years later during the making of The Lord of the Rings, sometimes you have to have a little perspective. Dom, who played the part of Merry, wears his hardscrabble Manchester (England) roots on his sleeve, and more than once he rather wisely pointed out to me, “You know what people earn in the real world, man? We are so fucking lucky!”
“My fee, I was told, would be $250,000…I was shocked. A total of $250,000 for three films and up to two years of uninterrupted work, during which time I’d be unable to accept any other offers. And it would be several months before I’d receive a penny.”
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. Are you homeless, sir?!
His thoughts on Bakshi’s animated The Lord of the Rings – p.159
“Seeing how Bakshi portrayed the hobbits – as predominantly fat, bumbling, stupid characters – I nearly had a heart attack. Please, God, don’t let Peter Jackson approach it this way.”
Guess he didn’t know that Peter Jackson was inspired by seeing Bakshi’s version when he was younger.
This is Samwise from Bakshi’s version. I think it’s spot on.
But that’s besides the point.
Dom putting him in his place (again) – p.181
“I remember at one point chatting with Dominic about my feelings, and he just scoffed. ‘Listen, man, you need to get some perspective. Are you out of your fucking mind?”
LOL FINALLY SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING.
On going to the gym and Tom Hanks – p.42-43
“…I was working out daily at the Sony gym, pounding weights, pushing myself harder than ever. Interestingly, I was there at the same time that Tom Hanks was losing the weight he’d gained to play a paunchy baseball coach in A League of Their Own, in preparation for his Oscar-winning role in Philadelphia. I’d make jokes as I passed him on my way out of the gym to my third or fourth high-protein meal of the day: ‘Hey, Tom, want me to pick up a burger for you?’ His response? Something along these lines: ‘Screw you!’”
Tom Hanks is known for being one of the nicest human beings in Hollywood, and he said that? My reaction when I read that:
Not wanting a scale double – p. 121-122
“Peter was gracious, even eager, as I peppered him with questions. ‘No offense, but why do I even need a wig?’ I asked, running a hand proudly through my own mop. ‘Can’t we just turn this into hobbit hair?’ ‘Well, maybe if your hair grows out nicely we’ll be pulling little bits through the wig lace,’ he said softly. ‘But probably not.’ Then he began talking about ‘scale doubles,’ smaller men and women who [were – editor’s mistake] more closely approximate the size of hobbits, and who would lend an air of authenticity by standing in for the actors in certain scenes…[Peter] explained how the wig would make it easier for the actor and the double to mirror each other. That made sense, although upon hearing this news, my first reaction was, But I don’t want a double. I want it to be all me!”
SERIOUSLY? If I try to articulate my feelings right now, I will literally have an aneurysm while simultaneously checking myself into a funny farm.
On getting a face mold for LOTR and how he reacted. – p.132
“’You ready?’ Howard [Berger] asked.
My mouth was dry, so I just nodded.
‘Okay, have a seat.’
I tried to project confidence, but inside I was dying. While giving me the tour, Howard had related the story of another actor, an action star, who had completely flipped out in the middle of the molding process. He’d started sweating and yelling, and then jumped up and ripped everything off. I laughed at the story and made some joke about how pathetic it was that anyone could let that happen, but at the same time I was thinking, You were what? That’s going to be let me in about ten minutes. Then they told me that Elijah had been in the day before.
‘Yeah? How did he do?’
‘Oh, he was great, man. Such a professional.’
That little shit!”
His thoughts on Sir Ian McKellen – p.173-174
“I love and respect Ian…That said, I also know he can be selfish and self-centered. For example, I could write an entire chapter in this book called ‘Sir Ian McKellen Stole My Makeup Artist!’ Because he’s Sir Ian McKellen, and because he’s smarter and funnier than I am, and because he’s further ahead of the curve on most decisions than I am, Ian figured out how to work the politics of the corporation so that he could poach at will someone with whom I had developed a long working relationship. He didn’t ask for my opinion or permission; he just made sure that he was taken care of…He’s a towering presence, and when we see each other I always feel a bit disappointed that he’s not nearly as interested in me as I am in him. Then again, I’m sure he has a lot of incredibly interesting people to choose from.”
On Meet the Feebles – p.180
“Imagine if Jim Henson had been kidnapped and raped and forced to do LSD – Meet the Feebles would be the nightmare that experience provoked.”
On Viggo Mortensen – p.186-187
“In many settings, Viggo used The Lord of the Rings as a pulpit. At some point he decided that he was not going to promote the film purely to promote the film. Instead, he was going to use it as a platform to espouse his political discontent, in service of his humanitarian ideals. And he really is an idealist when it comes to his commitment to peace, which is somewhat ironic, considering he’s done more than a few movies that seem to contradict that stance, G.I. Jane and Crimson Tide being the most notable…Viggo probably thinks I sell out too quickly or drift too close to the middle, but that’s okay. I think the world is big enough for guys like Viggo and guys like me to operate.”
FUNNY BECAUSE HE PULLS THIS SAME SHIT [Using LOTR as a pulpit for his opinions, not that anyone cares anyway trololol.] WHICH HE LOOKS DOWN ON AT THE SAG AWARDS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR “BEST ENSEMBLE.” HYPOCRITICAL SHIT. The SAG quotes will be coming in the next part of my review or so.
LOL I CAN’T.
On feeling like the only “real” American actor in New Zealand in 2000. – p. 195
“As a self-appointed ambassador for the United States, I was in a difficult position, trying to advocate for the process in my country while grappling with its obvious and oh-so-public shortcomings.”
On the Council of Elrond scene – p. 209
“Naked admission: I hate that part of the scene [Merry and Pippin run in]. When I see Billy and Dom come scurrying out, stumbling and bumbling like circus clowns, I just want to cringe. I’m being disrespectful, and I don’t mean to be.”
I can’t post anymore tonight.
