My apologies for not delivering this post sooner; due to depression and having to write all of Astin’s long-winded whining, has made creating this post take FOR-EVER. This second critique is a continuation of the despicable things Astin has written in his autobiography (and justifies my hatred of him). Without further ado, let the rage bubble up inside of you.

NOTE: “…” just means he was babbling and I’m trying to make it short and sweet, but also making sure that I’ve included the context of his quotes. Wouldn’t want anyone to think that I’ve taken his loathsome comments out of context (I know that I said it last time, but it’s necessary).

Constantly gives these backhanded compliments:
(p.229)
“Maybe I wasn’t as tough as Viggo (who merely asked for a dab of superglue when his tooth broke off)…” [when he stepped on the piece of glass while filming the Amon Hen scene – had to be rushed to the hospital and thus stopped shooting]

He admires Andy Serkis and Billy Boyd, yet ENVIES them.
(p.221-222)
“Billy Boyd and Andy Serkis have something in common: they’re both serious actors, and they’re both really happy practicing their craft. There is something unique about the way they approach acting – and their lives. There is a selflessness about them that I envy…In both cases, thought, there is an admirable and palpable commitment to acting, and it was clear that Peter liked and respected it, and wanted them to shine in the movie because of it. I think Peter recognized my talent and honestly knew that I wanted to do well, but I also think my level of awareness about how movies are made and the politics behind the making the movies prompted him to view me in a different light. That’s a roundabout way of saying that at times I was a pain in the ass, which isn’t quite as worthy a thing to honor.”

I’ll at least give him props for admitting this, to be honest.
This is a side story (apart from his LotR accounts) about being rude about Encino Man and his thoughts on Pauly Shore.
(p.27)
“But I didn’t want to do it, especially after I got to a hotel in London, opened up the FedEx package, and looked at some tapes of Pauly Shore hamming it up on MTV, drawling, ‘Hey, Buddddddy!’ and giggling and staggering around like a stoner. All I could think was, Oh, it’s going to be hard to spend time with that guy. Then I read the script – again – and of course it was still a piece of shit.”

Rude. Disgusting.
(p.36)
“The thing that made me right for the role – a certain quiet intensity, an everyman quality – was precisely what made me dissatisfied with it. I looked at Brendan [Fraser] and thought, I’m not going to be that guy, the leading man. And I looked at Pauly and thought, I’m not gonna be that guy, either, the…well, whatever Pauly is.”

Astin, bragging some more (I played Rudy! Blah blah blah I can’t stop boasting about ME ME ME MYSELF AND I).
(p.193)
“Nothing bothered him [Elijah]…that was left to me, the ‘Nervous Nellie’ hobbit, always driving people nuts with my worrying and fretting that something terrible might happen. And not just to the actors. At one point, for example, there was something of a crew mutiny fermenting, which got me really excited, because, hey, I played Rudy! …[goes off for another two pages about what a working class man he is, NEVER EVEN FINISHING HIS STORY.]

On Tolkien and not being able to read the books.
(p.112)
“I still couldn’t read the book. I tried. Many times. Not having the job or fretting about not getting the job was no longer a valid excuse, so I came up with another one: There’s no time to focus on it.”

(p.158-159)
“All right, I admit it. I took a shortcut. Tried to, anyway…I tried to absorb an audio version of The Lord of the Rings that had been recorded for the BBC…I still didn’t have a firm grasp of the story. I understood my dialogue and what the story was supposed to represent, but I wasn’t emotionally invested in the nuts and bolts of the screenplay, partly because I felt guilty about not having read the books…Granted, the solution was obvious: sit down and read the damn books! As had often been the case when I was a child, though, I found the task intimidating. More than a thousand pages, hours of time, when I didn’t really have the time to spare…I found it difficult to toggle back and forth between what I wanted to do and what I had to do.”

I love that this jerk mentions so many times he failed at reading the book. Apparently, he even tried audio books, but couldn’t actually get into it until they started filming it (to actually read the books). To add insult to injury, Astin repeatedly vocalizes (in the DVD extras as well as constantly in the cast commentaries) how important it was TO HIM AS A HUGE FAN that Peter Jackson didn’t ruin anything with filming. Fucker.

His wig incident with Serkis (during filming a scene from The Two Towers)
(p.222-223)
“As Andy grabbed me by the collar and pulled me back, he caught a fistful of hair and yanked my wig off. Now, this was not an easy thing to do. This was not a ‘hairpiece;’ it was an anchored wig. The makeup artists would slick back our hair and glue the wiglace on. They’d twist the real hair on top and in back, and tie it off with rubber bands. Then they’d put a wig on top and insert pins through the wiglace and anchor those into the rubber bands. The end result was a wig that wouldn’t move in a hurricane…What I should have done was laugh it off… I mean, it didn’t hurt that bad. It was just embarrassing. But I was tired and frustrated, so I got up, and without saying a word to anyone, walked off the set and headed for the makeup area…but I did walk off in a bit of a huff, which was pretty silly, considering Andy hadn’t done anything wrong. He was supposed to grab my hard; I wanted him to grab me hard. It wasn’t his fault that my wig came off, and I should have said so. I didn’t, though, and my lack of courtesy really pissed him off.
‘Sorry, man,’ he snapped. ‘It wasn’t on purpose, you know?’”
ASSHOLE. Serkis had every right to “snap” at you.

More self-absorbed musings. LOL DELUSIONAL.
(p.242)
“Samwise Gamgee…wasn’t the kind of character who was going to be the focus of the movie. He would have his moments, just like so many other characters – more of them than most, in fact – and a few that were undeniably powerful. Peter knew that and wasn’t going to go out of his way to make me feel better. Dealing with that realization, day in and day out, was challenge; knowing I wasn’t the reason people would be flocking to the movie was hard.”

(p.243)
“Elijah employed no such safety measures. He simply and bravely, maybe even foolishly, climbed onto my back and allowed his body to go limp. As I trudged up the side of the mountain, with my prosthetic feet slipping and sliding through the gravel, I remember thinking, Holy shit! I’ve got the whole $270 million franchise on my shoulders right now.”

(p.245)
“…done properly, it would serve as a tribute to Tolkien and the fans of Tolkien, and it would honor the studio that had gambled $270 million. Everything pointed to this moment. Either we were going to succeed and thus validate the support of those who had believed in us, or we were going to fail. And if we failed, I would perceive it as my failure.”

TBH, if it did, I would have blamed you. Heh heh heh. My hatred is now turning into reveling with how much I enjoy being spiteful towards him.

Rude to PJ – this made me throw the book across my apartment.
(p.295)
“In an ostensibly sweet-natured Time magazine story about previously little-known actors in breakthrough roles, I managed to take a big chunk out of the hand that fed me.
‘Sam’s fiercest moment comes when he leans over his friend, ailing and bearing the deadly Ring, and declares, ‘Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can’t carry it for you. But I can carry you.’ The scene has evoked tears from strong men and yanked Astin into the awards limelight. Yet as much as he reveres Jackson, Astin believes the wrong take is in the film. ‘I know the way I delivered the line was so much more powerful than what the audience sees. That was one of the great acting achievements of my life, and I feel only 20% is on the screen.’
I regretted that comment almost as soon as it came out of my mouth [HMM OR IS IT BECAUSE OF WHAT FOLLOWED? I WONDER] A few days after the story appeared, as I was getting ready to board a plane for Hawaii, I got an e-mail from Fran Walsh saying, in essence, ‘I think you should know how hurt Peter was by what you said in Time, and how unfair it was that you said that.’”

I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO ADD THAT WOULD NOT ENTAIL CAPSLOCK OR NASTY INSULTS. I CAN’T.
To quote Treebeard: “There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of men for this treachery.”


Dear lord I abhor this man with every fiber of my being. I’m leaving out another five sections of the book (some being the most infuriating parts of the book); those will be in my next and final review…And then I plan on burning this piece of trash.

I hope Astin one day reads this, and cries like a bitch.

No, sincerely, I do mean it.

BTW, did I ever mention that he misspells Theodén’s name? He wrote “Theodin” and it somehow went unnoticed by any editor. Rage.

I shall end this (for now) with a FANTASTIC work of art that my friend Alex created from my feelings on Astin:

Part one of my review here: Wanna hate Sean Astin even more?